pwnt.be

In Bruges is supposed to be a more than decent flick. Well, call me picky, but I disagree—as is often the case.

Sure, the acting’s good—just don’t expect to hear any Dutch—, the music is satisfactory and, once in a while, you’ll see some interesting camera action. But none of that can make up for the fact that the film’s premise is terrible. Just. Terrible.

In brief, this Irish hitman accidentally shoots a child, so by some weird code, he himself must be eradicated. So his boss or whatever sends him to Bruges to do some sightseeing, accompanied by his colleague who is then asked to kill him. What follows is a painfully slow existential crisis, an attempted suicide and an hourlong shootout. I guess it’s all supposed to be amusingly absurd—hell, they even threw in a racist midget—and at the same time spiritual, but, well, no.

Now, it’s not that they couldn’t have made anything of it. If you ask me—and obviously, you are—, the writer’s and/or the director’s priorities were just messed up, and as a result, the movie isn’t going anywhere. If you want cynical humor, that’s fine. If you want tragedy, by all means. If you want a great piece of philosophical drama, go for it. Like a bit of gun action and bloody gore? Sure, why not. Just. Make. Up. Your. Mind.

So would I recommend seeing this so-called masterpiece? Evidently not. Using my patented cinematographic scoring algorithm, In Bruges attains a low low rating of 7/10. Better luck next time.