Twitter Sucks Donkey Balls
Here’s a confession for you: I created a Twitter account a couple of days ago. Am I late to the party? I really wish I were, but alas.
In reality, sadly, I’ve been using Twitter for ages. This is in fact the third account I create. The first two were (and are) absolutely anonymous, because I used to hate the idea of microblogging in general, and to this day, I still sort of do. But at the same time, I’m quite the information whore, and felt I had to keep up with some tweets. But secretively.
Why does microblogging suck? You have to ask? First off, when I first discovered Twitter—and this was way back—, my first thought was, “Yeah, this is going to be full of junk.” It was. And it is. You just had a fucking piece of grapefruit? Who the fuck cares?
Secondly, there is absolutely nothing worth expressing that you can say in 140 characters or less. It’s idle chitchat. The only interesting Twitter accounts are micro-linkdumps, and let’s face it, URL shorteners and shit like Twitpic really just overcomplicate simple processes, in a world where RSS and Atom are commonplace. Hell, I’ll even take Tumblr over Twitter most of the time. The expression “the right tool for the right job” is somewhat of a mantra of mine, and this is precisely why.
Of course, I know why Twitter is such a hit. People are fucking lazy, and Twitter is easy. It’s too easy. Yes, there is such a thing. If you’re going to bother to vent an opinion, do it properly. A tweet tells you nothing.
And another thing. Twitter replies are the most awful way of having a conversation. It’s mind-boggling how many times one clicks on in reply to links, and even software like TweetDeck can’t seem to avoid that well. Also, hashtags add nothing in terms of structure and semantics, and tag clouds just suck in general. They’re fun to look at and that’s about it.
Before you take all of this too seriously, think of all the added value Twitter has been providing you with. Then realize I’m right, and tweet about it. See how many expletives and how much profanity you can work into a single tweet. And be sure to mention me, so I can retweet. #rant